The Jackass Story


Hey hey…  😀

Every now and then, when I’m feeling down and need a laugh, I read this e-mail.   Obviously, DON’T TRY THIS AT HOME.   It’s a long one (sorry) but stay with it.  I don’t think it’s true, but it still makes me lmao.  I hope you find it as funny as I did, and still do!   :lol:   Sorry if I offend anyone.  🙂

> Subject: How to make your day

> For all of you who occasionally have a really bad day when you 
just need to take it out on someone!!!  Don't take that bad day 
out on someone you know, take it out on someone you DON'T know!!!
> Now get this.  I was sitting at my desk, when I remembered a 
phone call I had to make.  I found the number and dialed it. 
A man answered nicely saying, "Hello?"
> I politely said, "This is Patrick Hanifin and could I please
speak to Robin Carter?"
> Suddenly the phone was slammed down on me!  I couldn't believe
> that anyone could be that rude.  I tracked down Robin's correct
> number and called her.  She had transposed the last two digits
> incorrectly.

> After I hung up with Robin, I spotted the wrong number still 
lying there on my desk.  I decided to call it again.
> When the same person once more answered, I yelled "You're a
> jackass!" and hung up.
> Next to his phone number I wrote the word "jackass", and put 
it in my desk drawer.  Every couple of weeks, when I was paying 
bills, or had a really bad day, I'd call him up.  He'd answer,
and I'd yell, "You're a jackass!"  It would always cheer me up.
> Later in the year the phone company introduced caller ID.  This
was a real disappointment for me, as I would have to stop 
calling the jackass.
> Then one day I had an idea.  I dialed his number, then heard 
his voice,  "Hello."  I made up a name.  "Hi.  This is the sales 
office of the telephone company and I'm just calling to see if
you're familiar with our caller ID program?"
> He went, "No!" and slammed the phone down. I quickly called 
him back and said,  "That's because you're a jackass!"
> The reason I took the time to tell you this story, is to 
show you how if here's ever anything really bothering you, 
you can do something about it.  Just dial 823-4863.
> [Keep reading, it gets better.]
> The old lady at the mall really took her time pulling out 
of her parking space.  I didn't think she was ever going to
leave. Finally, her car began to move and she started to very 
slowly back out of the slot.
> I backed up a little more to give her plenty of room to pull 
out. Great, I thought, she's finally leaving.  All of a sudden 
this black Camaro came flying up the parking aisle in the wrong
direction and pulls into her space.
> I started honking my horn and yelling, "You can't just do 
that, Buddy.  I was here first!"
> The guy climbed out of his Camaro completely ignoring me. 
He walked toward the mall as if he didn't even hear me.
> I thought to myself, this guy's a jackass, there sure a lot 
of jackasses in this world.  I noticed he had a "For Sale" sign 
in the back window of his car.  I wrote down the number.  Then 
I hunted for another place to park.
> A couple of days later, I'm at home sitting at my desk. 
I had just gotten off the phone after calling 823-4863 and 
yelling, "You're a jackass!"
> (It's really easy to call him now since I have his number 
on speed dial.)
> I noticed the phone number of the guy with the black Camaro 
lying on my desk and thought I'd better call this guy, too.
> After a couple rings someone answered the phone and said,
> "Hello." I said, "Is this the man with the black Camaro 
for sale?"
> "Yes, it is."
> "Can you tell me where I can see it?"
> "Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th street.  It's a yellow house 
and the car's parked right out front."
> I said, "What's your name?"
> "My name is Don Hansen."
> "When's a good time to catch you, Don?"
> "I'm home in the evenings."
> "Listen Don, can I tell you something?"
> "Yes,"
> "Don, you're a jackass!" And I slammed the phone down.
> After I hung up I added Don Hansen's number to my speed dialer.
> For a while things seemed to be going better for me.  Now when 
I had a problem I had two jackasses to call.  Then, after several
months of calling the jackasses and hanging up on them, it just 
wasn't as enjoyable as it used to be.
> I gave the problem some serious thought and came up with a
> solution:
> First, I had my phone dial Jackass #1.  A man answered 
nicely saying, "Hello."
> I yelled "You're a jackass!", but I didn't hang up.
> The jackass said, "Are you still there?"
> I said, "Yeah."
> He said, "Stop calling me."
> I said, "No."
> He said, "What's your name, Pal?"
> I said, "Don Hansen."
> He said "Where do you live?"
> "1802 West 34th Street. It's a yellow house and my black
Camaro's parked out front."
> "I'm coming over right now, Don. You'd better start saying
 your prayers."
> "Yeah, like I'm really scared, Jackass!" and I hung up.
> Then I called Jackass #2.
> He answered, "Hello."
> I said, "Hello, Jackass!"
> He said, "If I ever find out who you are..."
> "You'll what?"
> "I'll kick your butt."
> "Well, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now 
Jackass!" And I hung up.
> Then I picked up the phone and called the police. I told 
them I was at 1802 West 34th Street and that I was going to 
kill my gay lover as soon as he got home.
Another quick call to Channel 13 about the gang war going on 
down W. 34th Street.
> After that I climbed into my car and headed over to 34th 
Street to watch the whole thing.
> Glorious!
> Watching two Jackasses kicking the crap out of each other
 in front of 6 squad cars and a police helicopter was one 
of the greatest experiences of my life!


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